这是奥梅特佩岛 This is a Ometepe.
好漂亮喔 It's beautiful.
美呆了 谢谢你给我们看 It's gorgeous. Thanks for showing us that.
-谢谢你 -多谢分享 - Thank you. - Thanks for that gift.
琳西跟我爬到山顶 还在火山湖里游泳 Lindsay and I hiked to the peak, and we swam in a crater.
哇 Oh, wow.
来回只花了我们12个小时 Only took us 12 hours up and down.
-这么快？ -才12个小时？好猛喔 - Is that all? - Twelve hours? That's it? Fuck.
我发泄了很多埋藏许久的情绪 I uncovered a lot that I'd been burying.
老鹰旅馆的食物没话说 早餐太美味了 The food at the Eagle Lodge. The breakfast is insane.
-阿豪 给他们看 -好啊 - Hao, show them. - Oh, yeah.
其实我们很爱吃早餐 也看过很多种早餐 谢谢 We actually love breakfast. We've seen a ton of breakfasts. Thank you.
心领了 何况那些照片都小到几乎… I'm sure. And the pictures are so small you can barely…
你说得对 等着瞧 You're right. You know, watch this.
什么？ What?
-对… -这会花一点时间 - Yeah, yeah. - Just takes a second.
对 马上就好了 等待是值得的 Yeah. It'll work, it'll work. It's worth the wait.
还要喝苦味酒吗？ Do you want more fernet?
-我们还在喝 -我们还没…对 - We're still working on it. - We're still… Yeah.
谢了 Thank you though.
很好喝吧？感觉就像… It's good, right? It feels…
-这有益健康 -就像良药 - It's good for you. - It's like medicine.
太棒了…对 Very good. Very nice. Yeah.
-你们看 -哇 那就是早餐 - Here we go. Mmm. Mm-hmm. - Oh, wow!That is breakfast.
-苦味酒？搞什么 苦味酒？ -对啊 - Fernet? I'm sorry, fernet? - Oh, I know.
-他们不能喝葡萄酒吗？ -因为别人都喝葡萄酒 - Why can't they just drink wine? - Because everybody drinks wine.
对 别人都喝葡萄酒是有原因的 Yeah. Well, everyone drinks wine for a reason.
我们多久之后还得跟他们碰面？ How long till we have to hang out with them again?
我知道他们很烦 但琳西就像我的家人 I know. I know it's annoying, but Lindsay's like family to me.
我们念同一间大学耶 We went to college together.
很多人也跟希特勒念同一间艺术学院 但最后他们各奔东西了 A bunch of people went to art school with Hitler, but eventually they moved on.
-有道理 -非常有道理 - Fair. - Very fair.
等一下…经过邮筒再按 Whoa, wait. Until the mailbox.
你疯了吗？消防栓才对 这是极限 Are you crazy? I'll give you hydrant, and that's all I'll give you.
消防栓？别这么胆小 Hydrant? Don't be a pussy.
不行…丑树丛好了 Okay, no. Um, ugly bush.
-丑树丛 -丑树丛 - Ugly bush. - Ugly bush.
准备好了吗？快到了 Ready? Here it comes.
经过树丛 And that's the bush.
-别踩刹车… -我没有踩 - Don't brake. Do not brake! - I'm not braking!
-不要踩刹车 -我没有踩刹车 - Do not brake! - I'm not braking!
-你在丑树丛之前就按了 -乱讲 - You clicked before ugly bush. - Bullshit.
明明就是 当时你距离树丛还很远 You did. It was way before the bush.
没有 我们惊险擦过围篱 No. We grazed the fucking fence.
好像连保险杆都刮花了 I actually think that we scratched the bumper.
所以呢？这就是它的功用啊 So? That's what it's there for.
它叫做“保险杆” 本来就会被撞到 It's called a bumper. It's meant to bump into things.
但我们解租约的时候会被罚钱 But they charge you for that when you return the lease,
而且部分橡胶好像黏在围篱上 and I think some of the rubber rubbed off on the fucking fence.
房东会从我们的押金里扣 Landlord's gonna take that out of our security deposit.
对 我们应该在 被房东发现之前搬出去 You're right. We should move out before our landlord realizes what we've done.
我们可以躲在奥梅特佩岛 听说每年此时的天气很好 We could hide out on Ometepe. I hear it's really nice this time of year.
-早餐也好吃 -对 - Great breakfasts. - Yeah.
对 我看过照片 Yeah, I've seen pictures.
琳西跟阿豪让其他人相形失色 但他们让彼此很快乐 You know, Lindsay and Hao make all other humans miserable,but they actually make each other really happy.
天啊 那两个人？ Oh, my God. Those two?
对 我知道听起来很扯 但他的眼神充满初相见时的情愫 Yeah. I know it's crazy, but he looks at her like he's just met her.
他真会演戏 That's a fuckin' act.
-他没有演 -他有 - No, it's not. - It is.
不 他们聊天的时候不仅在说话 No, when they talk to each other, they're not just talking.
-是真正在倾听 -相信我 没这回事 好吗？ - They're really listening. - Believe me, it's bullshit, okay?
他们并不快乐 They're not happy.
不像我们这样快乐 Not like we're happy.
说到快乐… And speaking of happy…
你知道今天是什么日子吗？ you know what day today is?
那是明天 That's not until tomorrow.
已经是明天了 It is tomorrow.
三年了 三年了 Three years. Three years.
闭嘴啦 唐尼 Shut the fuck up, Donny!
周年纪念日快乐… 周年纪念日快乐… Happy anniversary, happy anniversary Happy anniversary, happy anniversary
干…我踩到该死的发夹了 Ow, fucking… I fucking stepped on a stupid fucking clip.
早安 美人儿 Oh. Morning, beautiful lady.
真心话才算数 You're only allowed to say that if you mean it.
我是真心的 我喜欢这样的你 没有化妆 很自然 I do mean it. I like you like this. No makeup, just you.
真的吗？ Really? Oh.
但你嘴里有猫饲料的味道 But your breath smells like cat food.
珍喜牌 天啊 你吃了什么？ Fancy Feast. Oh, my God! What did you eat?
那是不是… Oh, is that a…?
-蓝莓酪奶司康？ -对 - Blueberry buttermilk scone? - Mm-hmm.
那个的话… And is that…?
是来自东区的小惊喜 A little something special from the east side.
你喜欢果酱吗？我忘了 你是超爱或喜欢？ Do you like jam? I forget. Do you love jam or do you like jam?
你竟然去那个区域 太危险了 You're crazy going into that neighborhood. It's dangerous.
菲律宾古城？ Historic Filipinotown?
-对 那里有黑帮 -对 历史性的黑帮 - Yeah, they have gangs. - Yeah. Historic gangs.
撞我 Hit me.
-碰碰 -碰碰 - Bonk. - Bonk.
-不行 有猫食的气味 -我不在乎 - No. Meow Mix. - I don't care.
周年纪念日快乐 Happy anniversary.
天啊 Oh, my God.
你知道接下来会怎样吗？ Do you know what's about to happen?
没错 Oh, yeah.
你有感受到接下来会怎样吗？ 你知道吗？ Do you feel what's about to happen? Hmm? You know it?
我不快乐 I'm not happy.
-什么？ -没事 - What? - Nothing.
你不能假装没说：“我不快乐” You can't nothing “I'm not happy.”
我非常抱歉 I am so sorry.
你很抱歉说出来或很抱歉你不快乐？ You're sorry you said it, or you're sorry you're not happy?
两者皆是 在我们的周年纪念日 Both. Oh.On our anniversary.
我知道 原本我不打算在今天说出来 I know. I wasn't planning on saying anything today.
但就这样脱口而出 我再也忍不住了 It literally just came out. Like I physically couldn't hold it in anymore.
就像感情上的腹泻 It was emotional diarrhea.
你要挑现在跟我分手？ This moment is when you want to do it?
你是好人 山姆 我很想快乐地跟你在一起 You are such a good person, Sam, and I want to be happy with you.
我真的很想 但是… I really, really do, but…
我们交往三年了 你不能跟我谈吗？ We've been together for three years. You couldn't talk to me?
每次我想跟你谈我的感受 你都会生气 Every time I try and talk to you about my feelings, you get mad.
因为你的感受全都是狗屁 That's because your feelings are fucking bullshit.
你享受不快乐的感觉 明明一切都好得很 You get off on not being happy when everything's fucking fine.
你是认真的吗？ Are you fucking serious?
你认为一切都很好吗？ Did that seem fine to you?
我知道我们不完美 好吗？ I'm not saying that we're perfect. Okay?
没人是完美的 Nobody's fucking perfect.
我知道 I know that.
我只想在不完美中拥有最完美的感情 I just want the most perfect version of imperfectness.
我… I, um…
告诉我出了什么问题 你缺少什么？ Tell me what's wrong. What are you missing?
我想念三年前认识的那个人 I know I miss the person that I met three years ago.
你不能这样做 好吗？ You can't do that, okay?
你不能将现在的我跟三年前比较 You can't compare me now to the me three years ago.
-当年的我在追求你 -那你不该停止追求 - That guy was wooing you. - You should never stop wooing.
这是现榨柳橙汁 我拼命追求你了 This orange juice is freshly squeezed. I just wooed your ass off.
你开车十分钟去买的 You drove ten minutes.
还深入黑帮地盘 你怎么这么快就忘了？ Into gang territory. How do you forget that so quickly?
去买你最爱吃的司康 For your favorite scone.
每次我们去都分着吃 你也爱吃那个司康 We split this thing every time we go.You love that fucking scone.
我觉得还可以 行吗？ No, they're fine, okay?
第一次去的时候你一直叫我尝尝看 You were so excited to get me to try them the first time
所以我不想让你失望 that I didn't want to disappoint you,
但真正爱吃的人是你 but you love these things, Sam.
我猜今早你起床后非常想吃它们 My guess is you probably woke up this morning craving them,
而且自知要在周年纪念日 做一点浪漫的事 and you knew you had to do something vaguely nice for our anniversary,
就决定用一个司康达到两个目的 so you decided to kill two birds with one scone.
英国人的发音就不一样 In England, they pronounce it “skahn.”
你最后一次为了我做某件事是何时？ When's the last time you did something just for me?
因为我当初认识的那个男人会这么做 Because that's what the guy that I first met would do.
那一个男人很浪漫 That guy was romantic.
席拉？ 我不是 抱歉 Shira? No, sorry.
你确定你不是席拉温柏？ Are you absolutely sure you're not Shira Weinberg?
对 我很确定 我是莫莉 Yeah, I'm almost positive my name is Mollie.
-莫莉 -嗯 - Mollie. - Mm-hmm.
-当然了 幸会 莫莉 -幸会 - Of course. Nice to meet you, Mollie. - Nice to meet you.
若我现在搭讪你 看起来会像混球 对吗？ If I flirt with you right now, I look like an asshole, right?
因为你知道其实我在等别人？ Because you know I'm waiting for somebody else?
你的眼睛真迷人 莫莉 You have amazing eyes, Mollie.
我搭讪你了 管他的 我照样跟你调情 I did it. Fuck it, I did it. I flirted with you anyway.
我是谁？我是山姆 幸会 Who am I? I'm Sam. Nice to meet you.
所以这是盲目约会吗？ So is it like a blind date?
老实说… Well, to be honest…
我最喜欢别人强调“老实说” I love when people specify “to be honest.”
所以我能假设你之前说的话 Does that mean I can assume everything you've said before
以及即将说的话都是狗屁吗？ and are about to say to me is bullshit?
-对方是网友 -上帝保佑你 - It's an Internet date. - God help you.
我觉得祂不会 因为我不相信上帝 Mmm. I don't think he will, seeing as I don't believe in him,
或许这就是祂惩罚我的原因 which is probably why he's punishing me now
让你不是席拉温柏 by making you not Shira Weinberg.
你真的不相信神鬼之说吗？ You really don't believe that there's anything out there?
我不是不相信 I don't not believe.
我只是认为某些事情人类无法理解 I feel like it's something that humans can never fathom.
例如夸克或是黑人共和党员 Like quarks. Or black Republicans.
-我相信有鬼 -抱歉 我看到席拉了 - I believe in ghosts. - I am so sorry. I think I did see Shira.
我知道这听起来很扯 I know it's crazy,
但我太喜欢人类了 无法相信他们会一走了之 but I like people too much to believe that they just go away.
但愿我也这么喜欢人类 I wish I liked people that much.
或许你没碰到对的人 Maybe you just know the wrong ones.
所以你要跟谁见面？你有对象了吗？ So what is this meeting? Is it like a thing?
-对象？ -是约会吗？我想知道… - A thing? - Is it a date? I want to know…
-是约会吗？ -我不回答 - Is it a date? - I'm not answering that question.
好吧 Okay.
似乎你的对象刚走进来 And it looks like your thing just walked in.
不…她不是席拉 No, no, no, no. That is not Shira.
对 唐恩比较像是她的名字 You're right. She's more of a Dawn.
-她是唐恩 -对 她跟父母同住 - Oh, that's a Dawn. - Yeah, she lives at home with her parents.
特别喜欢消防队员 She's really into firemen.
对 她曾经是啦啦队员 Yeah, she used to be a cheerleader,
但是被踩在最下面的那一个 but one of the ones on the bottom of the pyramid,
因为她漂亮 但也很壮 下盘稳得不得了 because she's beautiful but also sturdy, knows how to get it done.
-我也曾经是啦啦队员 -我正在听 - I used to be a cheerleader. - I'm listening.
那是最糟糕的经历 It was the worst.
橄榄球员都很臭 女生都讨厌我 The football players smelled. The girls were brutal to me.
她们最爱折磨我 若你跟别人不同… They absolutely tortured me. If you were just at all different…
你还留着制服吗？ Do you still have the uniform or…
我对你掏心掏肺 说我小时候被折磨 I am opening up my soul to you about the torture of my childhood,
你却问我这个问题？ and this is your question?
真抱歉 但你还留着制服吗？ I'm so sorry, but do you have the uniform?
我放在某个地方 对 I have it somewhere, yeah.
好的 莫莉 我们知道唐恩的背景了 All right, Mollie. We know about Dawn.
试试看这两个人如何？他们是谁？ Why don't we give these two a shot? Who are these two?
她是派翠西亚 药厂代表 Well, she's Patricia, a pharmaceutical rep,
跟戴尔 and Dale.
-哇 -他是医生 - Oh, wow. - The doctor.
-当然了 -而且他成为医生 - Of course he is. - And he became a doctor
就是想认识药厂代表 to meet a pharmaceutical rep.
所以这一切都如他所预期？ This happened the exact way he wanted?
-对 -我真不敢相信 - Exactly. - Unbelievable.
我姓温柏 温暖的温 松柏的柏 It's under Weinberg. W-E-I-N…berg as in “berg.”
-她好可爱喔 -是啊 - Hey, she's cute. - Yeah.
我在挑选女人方面很有品味 I have really good taste in women.
嗨 Hey.
原本你担心他是我的对象 You were nervous that that was my thing.
原本你也担心我会爱上席拉温柏 You were nervous I was gonna fall in love with Shira Weinberg.
莫莉 不好意思 我该走了 Now, Mollie, if you will, I have to go.
席拉最不喜欢别人迟到 Lateness is one of Shira's pet peeves.
-所以你要去跟她约会？ -对 - You're actually gonna go through with it? - Yeah.
我不能让她枯等 这样太残酷了 I can't leave her stranded like that. That'd be cruel.
何况她在向我挥手 Also, she is waving.
你跟我一起挥手 好吗？ 看起来就像…太好了 Could you wave back with me so it looks like we're… Yes. Fantastic.
好的 太棒了 Okay. Great.
但你放心 整段时间我都会想着你 Rest assured though, I'll be thinking about you the entire time.
再见 小莫 Bye, Moll.
对了 莫莉 你做什么工作？ Hey. Mollie, what do you do for a living?
真的吗？我以为你与众不同 这个问题真老套 Really? I expected more from you than that. That is such a cliché question.
对 这个问题很老套 Yeah, it's a cliché question,
但若你不告诉我 我要如何跟踪你？ but if you don't tell me, how am I going to be able to stalk you?
你寄的那个水果篮？当时的你很浪漫 The edible arrangement you sent? That guy was romantic.
浪漫…你正在我面前尿尿 Romantic. You're pissing in front of me.
对啊 我喝了很多水 Yeah, I've been drinking a lot of water.
我在补充水分 你应该替我高兴 I'm staying hydrated. You should be happy for me.
你并不爱那个男人 And you didn't love that guy.
你厌恶当初认识的我 你很清楚 You hated the me you met. You know you did.
才没有 I did not.
-你有 你讨厌我的发型 -对 就像怪叔叔 - You did. You hated my hair. - Yeah, it was science teacher creepy.
-你讨厌我的衣服 -对 - You hated my clothes. - Oh, yeah.
你记得那双鞋子吗？ Do you remember those shoes?
-你也讨厌我的公寓 -对 很令人沮丧 - You hated my apartment. - Yeah, it was depressing.
真正令人沮丧的是你美化过去 What's depressing is your idealizing the past when
但你根本从未快乐过 you were never happy with me.
没有任何事能让你快乐 You're never happy with anything.
没有东西可以吃 There's nothing to eat.
床上有一个司康等着你 There is a scone waiting for you on the bed right now,
而且我亲自送过来 如果你尝过果酱… hand-delivered, by the way, and I think if you just try the jam…
-又来了？ -今早第三次 - Again? - Third time this morning.
天啊 闭嘴吧 唐尼 Oh, my God. Shut the fuck up, Donny.
等一下…你最乖了 Wait, wait. You're all right.
外面没有任何东西… There's nothing out there. There's nothing out there.
或许有东西 Or maybe there is.
不 你应该只是闻到浣熊吧 No. I think you just smell a raccoon or something.
对 不然就是… Yeah, either that or
躲藏在树丛里的邪恶动物在戏弄它 there's an evil creature lurking in the bushes, taunting him.
但你永远抓不到它 But you will never catch him
-因为这只动物并不存在 -天啊 - for there is no creature. - Oh, my God.
因为这只动物就是你 Because the creature is you! Whoo… Oh!
天啊…什么？你为何要这样？ My… What? Why do you do that?
怎样？因为他很笨啊 我爱它 而且这样很好玩 What? 'Cause he's dumb and I love him and it's fun.
周年纪念日快乐 这只是另一天 山姆 Happy anniversary.It's just a day, Sam.
真的吗？只是另一天？ Really? Just a day?
感觉不仅如此 毕竟我们交往了这么久 It feels like a lot more. I mean, all this time together.
这一天很重要 对吗？ It's kind of a big deal, right?
你说得对 You're right.
明天是我们的周年纪念日 It's our anniversary tomorrow.
感觉很…不晓得 It's really, like, I don't know.
很可怕 It's scary.
很踏实 若我们能交往这么久 就能厮守一辈子 Reassuring. If you can make it that long with someone, you can make it forever.
若我现在还不确定 或许就该找新的对象？ If you don't know for sure by now, maybe it's just time to move on?
或许我该做出承诺了 Maybe it's time to commit.
-去年在杜布罗尼克庆祝纪念日 -去年在杜布罗尼克庆祝纪念日 - We spent our last anniversary - We spent our last anniversary
-太壮观了 -太壮观了 - in Dubrovnik. - In Dubrovnik.
三年感觉像是一个里程碑 I mean, three years. It feels like a threshold.
我知道 I know.
可恶 我爸会杀了我 Oh, shit. My dad's gonna kill me.
对 今天你要带你爸去做那件事 That's right. You gotta take your dad to his thing today.
等等 “那件事”？ Wait. His “thing”?
那件事叫做化疗 His thing, it's called chemo.
我的爸爸罹癌 要接受化疗 My dad has cancer and he's getting chemo.
-你甚至说不出口 -你懂我的意思 - You can't even say it. - You know what I meant.
你总是这样 喜欢将事情美化 This is what you do. You sugarcoat things.
我没有美化任何事 I don't sugarcoat anything.
是吗？那太阳就从西边出来了 Yeah? I've seen less sugarcoating on a Krispy Kreme.
-不是… -依据你的说法 - No… - According to you,
我爸的结肠只是多冒出一些组织 my father just has some extra-fun bonus tissue in his colon.
“恭喜 曼吉尼先生 这些细胞生长的速度很快” “Congratulations, Mr. Mangini. These cells are real fast growers.”
-喂… -我爸罹癌 我也不快乐 - Hey, hey. - My dad has cancer, and I'm not happy!
喂…我们别在外面谈 好吗？ Hey, can we not do this outside, please?
天啊 千万别让邻居听见这件事 Oh, my God. God forbid that our neighbors hear this!
或是看见我们做爱 Or see us having sex
透过坏掉百叶窗的狭小缝隙 in the millimeter space in the broken blinds in the window.
我们不能在计程车上谈钱 We can't talk about money in a taxi
因为你不好意思让司机听见你的抱怨 because you're too embarrassed for the driver to hear you complaining
他的处境却比你凄惨许多 when he has it way worse.
你非常担心其他人 You are so worried about everybody else
却完全不在乎那个最重要的人 that you don't give a shit about the one person that's supposed to matter most
因为你已经拥有我了 because you already have me.
太好了 山姆 但上次计程车司机替你口交是何时？ That's so nice, Sam, but when's the last time a cabbie gave you a blow job?
优步司机算吗？ Does an Uber driver count?
-不好笑…我没在笑 -蛮好笑的 - That's not fun… I'm not laughing. - It is kind of funny.
没有 我没在笑 No. I'm not laughing.
因为老王用很特殊的方式替我口交 Because Grindhorst sucked my penis in a surprising way.
天啊 Oh, God.
你一定会喜欢他替我口交的方式 You would have loved the way he sucked my dick.
干 Fuck.
-我早就叫你去修了 -要我载你去爸妈家吗？ - I thought I told you to get this fixed. - You want a ride to your parents' or not?
今天是你的重要提案日 Today's your big work thing.
对 所以我原本希望你能更支持我 Yep, which is why I was hoping for a little more support
少说几句“我不快乐” and a little less “I'm not happy.”
好吧 对不起 Okay, I'm sorry.
很抱歉我的感觉无法搭配你的行程 I'm sorry my feelings don't line up with your schedule.
任谁都无法控制情绪 You know, you can't control emotions.
你是认真的吗？你有资格这样说？ Are you fucking serious? Coming from you?
你根本就是情绪控制的禅师 You're like the Wayne Gretzky of emotion control.
你似乎可以控制是否要坠入爱河 You somehow manage to control whether or not you fall in love.
没人所谓“缓慢滑入”爱河 而是“坠入”爱河 It's not called “gently reclining” in love. It's called falling in love.
因为爱情会伤人 没错 Because, yeah, it could hurt,
但你必须纵身一跃才能体会 but you're never gonna know unless you jump off the fucking ledge.
-禅师是什么？ -我的意思是… - Who's Wayne Gretzker? - It's like
这三年来你都在试水温 you've been wading into a pool for three years.
很慢、很痛苦地适应冷水 Just slowly, painfully, adjusting to the cold.
到了某一个时刻 通常当水碰到男人的睾丸 At some point, usually when the water touches your balls
或是女人的阴道口 人们就会跳进去 or the bottom of your vagina, people just jump in.
-你以为我不想吗？ -那你为何不跳进去？ - You think I don't want to? - Well, then why don't you?
若你没有卷同一撮头发三次 我们就不会迟到 If you didn't have to curl the same piece of hair three times, we wouldn't be late.
我是为了你卷这一撮头发 I'm trying to fix this piece of hair for you
才能让你看起来比较有面子 so that I can make you look good.
若我们在晚餐派对迟到 我还有面子可言吗？ How good will it look if we end up going to the dinner party late?
真高兴我们没有迟到 不要… So glad we weren't late.
-你为何一直跟我吵架？ -我没有 是你不肯认错 - Why do you keep fighting me? - I'm not. You won't admit when I'm right.
你别这么讨人厌 Stop being such a bitch.
-我是在开玩笑 -并不是 - I was kidding. - No, you weren't. Mm-mmm.
是啦 我是在开玩笑 -喂 -好啦 Yes, I was. I was kidding.- Hey. - Right.
你去死 Fuck you.
等你死了之后我才会真正快乐 The only time I'll ever be happy is when you're fucking dead.
-我没有这样说 -我听见了 - I didn't say that. - I heard you.
-我不是故意的 -当然 你只是在开玩笑 - I didn't mean it. - Of course. You were just kidding.
莫莉 你别这样 Mollie, come on.
你也经历过那些日子 山姆 You lived those days too, Sam.
你为何对这段感情如此笃定？ I mean, what about us makes you so goddamn sure?
-希望你喜欢这里 -牛小排看起来真好吃 - Hope you like this place. - The short ribs look great.
我吃素 Tsk. I'm a vegetarian.
若我早知道 就不会在第一次约会时带你来这里 I never would have brought us here for the first date if I knew.
-但我吃鱼 -好的 - Except that I eat fish. - Okay.
我也吃风干火腿 因为很好吃 And prosciutto. Because it's delicious.
还有茴香香肠跟披萨上的辣香肠 And fennel sausage and pepperoni on pizza.
-因为披萨上的配料不算 -当然 - 'Cause that doesn't count. It's on pizza. - Of course. Yeah.
-你要跟我分辣肉酱薯条吗？ -好啊 我要 - Do you want to split the chili fries? - Yes, I think so.
-好耶…爽 -好爽 -Yeah.Okay. - Okay.
这跟我想像的一模一样 This is exactly what I thought it was gonna be like.
这跟我想像的一模一样 Exactly what I thought it was gonna be like.
-对 -就是它 - Yeah. - That's him.
（领养）
就是它了 汪不停先生 That's the one. That's Mr. Woofington.
-我以为要叫它唐尼 -对 唐尼汪不停 狗律师 - I thought we were gonna call him Donny. - Yeah, Donny Woofington, attorney-at-dog.
它是律师？哇 He's a lawyer? Wow.
汪不停也处理人类案件吗？ 或只是宠物案件？ And does Woofington do human cases, or is it, like, pet cases?
不 是人类案件 例如民权跟移民议题 No, it's human. Like civil rights, immigrations issues.
它会上法庭… He comes in the courtroom…
-处置关塔纳摩湾的囚犯 -靠 它真的很专业 - Gitmo release detainments. - Wow, shit. He really gets into it.
我完全没料到 所以若养它对大家都有好处 I had no idea. This is good for everybody if we get him.
防守 Defense!
但是他非常健康 But he's so healthy.
对 但这已经不重要了 Yeah, I guess it doesn't make a difference.
给我一根烟 I want a cigarette.
你又不抽烟 You don't smoke.
对 但我应该开始抽 反正一切都是狗屁 Yeah, but I might as well start since it's all bullshit.
我要一个吉士汉堡跟一包红标万宝路 I want a cheeseburger and I want Marlboro Reds.
-不行 -为什么？ - No. - Why not?
因为我不想失去你 Because I don't want to lose you.
我也不想失去你 I don't want to lose you either.
真的吗？ Really?
我的意思是还不想 I mean, not yet.
或许等到我们70岁 我就会厌倦你了吧 Maybe when we're 70 and I'm sick of you.
-谈感情好难 -其实可以很简单 - This is so hard. - It doesn't have to be.
听着 没人说我们必须结婚 Look. Nobody's saying we have to get married.
我们为何要现在决定？ 不能慢慢来吗？ Why do we have to decide now? Why can't we take our time?
因为我没有时间了 山姆 Because I don't have any more time, Sam.
对 所以是为了小孩吗？ 你认为我不够格当爸爸 Oh, right. So this is the baby thing? You don't think I'm baby-worthy.
-不 不是这样的 -太扯了 - No, it's not that. - This is fucking insane.
-山姆… -这可好… - Sam… - Amazing. Amazing.
阻挠我们感情的人甚至还不存在 The person getting in the way of our relationship doesn't even exist yet.
你不了解我的压力有多大 You don't understand how much pressure there is for me.
你说得倒容易 It's easy for you.
你到了80岁照样能老来得子 You can have a Steve Martin baby when you're 80.
我不想要小孩 I don't want to have a baby when
如果届时我已经老到抱不动的话 I'm an old man who can't pick up his fucking kid.
你一定会乐在其中 You would love that.
我认为你最爱的事情就是不必抱小孩 I could think of nothing you would love more than not having to carry your baby.
对 这样就太好了 Yeah, that would be nice.
然而我是30多岁的女人 Meanwhile I'm a 30-ish-years-old woman.
我应该早就想清楚这件事 I should have figured this shit out like yesterday.
四或五年之后 我生的小孩就会有缺陷 对吗？ What, I have, like, four, five years for me not to have a messed-up baby?
若你不是真命天子 我就需要尽快找到那个男人 If you're not the guy, I need to budget time to find the guy.
然后再经过三年的交往 同时我的生理时钟 Then there's another three years of vetting, and my biological clock
只会不断分秒流逝…迅速归零 is just ticking down, tick, tick, tick, fast approaching zero.
基本上我在演《危机倒数》 Basically, I'm in The Hurt Locker.
《危机倒数》？你知道吗？你说得对 The Hurt Locker. You know what? You're right.
我们剪那条红色电线吧？祝你好运 Why don't we pull the red wire? Good luck with everything.
山姆… Sam…
我希望你找到最完美的不完美男人 I do hope you find that perfectly imperfect person,
但让我告诉你 but I have news for you.
他并不存在 He doesn't exist.
你不愿意让自己快乐 You won't let yourself be happy.
我觉得快乐很难 山姆 It's not easy for me, Sam.
我的…我的爸妈… My… My parents, it's…
我们跟他们不同 We're not them.
我不想毫无意义地在一起 I don't want to stay together just to stay together.
几乎不跟对方说话 还分房睡 Barely speak to each other, sleep in separate rooms.
天啊 你一定很想有自己的房间 Oh, my God, you would love your own room.
-对 -你可以舒展筋骨 - Yeah. - You could stretch out.
还能在床上摆出这种奇怪的姿势 You could do that weird fucking thing that you do in bed.
对 这样很好 Yeah, it would be really nice.
听着 或许我… Look, maybe I…
或许我应该跟我的爸妈住一阵子 Maybe I'll just stay with my parents for a little while.
若你想就近照顾生病的爸爸 我了解 Obviously if you want to be near your dad when he's sick, I get it.
对 Yeah.
从不同的角度看事情对我也有好处 And it would be good for me to see things from another perspective.
什么叫做“不同的角度”？ What does that mean, “another perspective”?
就是给彼此空间把事情想清楚 You know, give us space to clear our heads.
稍微分开一下 Like a little break.
莫莉 你是为了…莫莉？ Mollie, is this about… Hey, Mollie?
莫莉… Mollie…
你是为了你爸或是想跟我分手？ Is this about your dad, or is this about us breaking up?
-有空间是好事 -你计划这件事多久了？ - Space can be good. - How long you been planning this?
我们只是暂时分开 没什么大不了 It's just a time-out. It doesn't have to be a huge thing.
今天你就把剩下的东西拿走 好吗？ Pick up the rest of your shit today. All right?
你别这样 Come on. Whoa.
干 Well, fuck.
没关系 我完全不介意 Fine. It's totally okay.
我俩都需要冷静一下 只是… We both needed a break. Just…
我不需要男人 I don't need a man.
我能办到 你很独立 莫莉 I got it. You're independent, Mollie.
妈 Mom?
对我而言她死了 She's dead to me.
莫莉的问题是… The thing about Mollie is…
谁？那个死掉的女孩 因为对我而言她已经死了 Who? Oh, the dead girl, because she's so dead to me.
艾德 你不能这样说… Ed, you can't say that…
这个女人玩弄了你整整三年 This woman strings you along for three fucking years.
而且不是随便三年 而是你30多岁的黄金岁月 And not just any years. The golden fucking years of your mid-30s.
情况其实复杂许多 It's more complicated than that.
哪里复杂了？ How is it complicated?
她是很差劲的人 不懂得珍惜你 She's an awful person. She doesn't appreciate you.
你不了解 好吗？ You don't understand, okay?
你只看见欢乐的山姆好朋友 All you see is happy fun-time friend Sam.
-我是你身边的开心果 -你没这么有趣 - I'm a blast around you. - You're not that fun.
你不知道我所有的缺点 You're not privy to all my faults,
比方说两瓶啤酒最后都会变成八瓶 like two beers almost always leads to eight,
我生气的时候 会说出很恶毒又刻薄的话 and when I get upset, I say these venomous, acidic things
但我根本不该说出口 that I would never say in a million years.
而且我不像刚开始那样体贴 Also, I'm not as thoughtful as I was at the beginning.
基本上你就是一个凡人 Basically, you're a human being.
相信我 你是好人 山姆 And believe me, you're a really good one, Sam.
好吗？若她看不出来 就叫她去死 All right? And if she can't see that, then fuck her!
哇 你的口气好呛 Wow, that turned.
过来… Come here.
-来吧… -不要啦 - Come here. - Nah.
我从没碰过比你更需要拥抱的人 I have never seen anyone more in need of a hug in my life.
投入我的怀抱吧 过来… Bring that shit in. Come here. Come on.
-我不想 -不要抗拒 - I don't want to. - It's happening.
-不要啦 -五、四 - Don't. Don't. - Five, four,
-三… -四、五 - three… - Four, five.
-不要往上数 -六 - Don't count up. - Six.
你在胡闹…算了 来吧 You messed it… Fuck this. There we go.
这样就对了 There it is. Mmm.
呼吸…很好 Just breathe. There you go.
这是美国男性的大问题 It's a huge problem with American men,
你们不习惯像这样透过肢体表达感情 how you're uncomfortable sharing physical affection like this.
你知道义大利男人会手牵手上街吗？ Did you know Italian dudes hold hands in the street?
我不知道 I didn't know that.
法国男人都用亲吻打招呼 French dudes kiss hello.
亲嘴吗？ On the mouth?
有一天晚上我看足球赛 I was watching footie the other night,
一个葡萄牙球员得分 所有人就亲成一团 and this Portuguese player scored a goal, and basically a gang bang broke out.
我不懂足球 I don't get soccer.
我感觉舒坦多了…真的 I feel better. I do feel better.
谢谢你的拥抱 Thank you for that.
你刚刚才看过有没有她传来的简讯 我是在看买家有没有打给我 好吗？ Oh, you just checked to see if she texted you.I'm checking to see if the buyer called, okay?
好像你刚把电话号码给她 It's like you just gave her your digits
然后期待她的第一则简讯 and you're waiting for that first text back.
（她爱我…）
（她不爱我…）
（她爱我…）
（她不爱我…）
（爱我？） （新增联络人：莫莉）
（姓）
（不要搞砸）
你必须重新开始约会 We've got to get you back out there.
我要把你介绍给普瑞雅的一个朋友 I'm gonna set you up with one of Priya's mates.
天啊 艾德 不要… Jesus Christ. Ed, no, no, no, no.
目前我最不想做的事就是再次约会 The last thing I want to do in the fucking universe now is start dating again.
我曾经认为媒妁之言很不道德 I used to think that arranged marriages were unethical,
但我开始认为这个过程比较不痛苦 靠自己寻找另一半？太不人道了 but now I'm starting to think they're the less painful process.Doing it ourselves? That shit is inhumane.
看看你的爸妈 Look at your parents.
他们透过媒妁之言结婚 而且超级快乐 They had an arranged marriage, and they're super happy.
我的爸妈是在念医学院时认识 My parents met at medical school.
-对 -没错 - Right. - Yeah.
-混蛋 -没错… - Asshole. - Right, right.
我在开玩笑啦… I was kidding. I was kidding.
我很确定山姆是好人 但这样就足够了吗？ I know that Sam's a good person deep down, but is that good enough?
而且对我的后半辈子而言 他够好吗？ And is good enough good enough for the rest of my life?
完全没错 No kidding.
此时我就决定杀死山姆 And that's when I decided to kill Sam.
是啊 Yeah.
用那种尖尖的金属球 没人会起疑 With one of those spiky metal balls, and nobody's been suspicious,
因为我一路拖行他的尸体 像《老板度假去》演的那样 because I've just been dragging his corpse around Weekend at Bernie's style.
他是好人 莫莉 Well, he's a good guy, Mollie.
你在听什么？ What are you listening to?
搞什么？不…原本我调到很小声 What? No, I have it…I have it way down.
《摩西律法有声书》？ Torah on Tape?
我从来没有把圣经读完 You know, I've never actually read the whole Bible.
你还是没有读啊 是别人读给你听 You still haven't read it. Somebody's reading it to you.
-什么？ -好的 - What? - Okay.
我只在这里住一晚 然后就去住朋友家 It's just gonna be the one night here. Then I'm gonna stay with a friend.
听着 你要解决跟山姆的问题 好吗？ Listen, you're gonna work this out with Sam, okay?
每次你该做决定的时候都是这样 I mean, you're always like this with decisions.
-这次的情况不同 -怎么说？ - This is different. - How?
不知道 或许… I don't know. I guess…
这不只影响我 也会影响山姆 it doesn't just affect me, it's also about Sam.
还有可能诞生的小孩 And a potential baby creature.
不 No.
-妈… -等一下 - Mom… - Oh, wait. Shh.
我感觉有东西在动 Oh, I think I felt something.
恭喜 你成了我肚子里 纯素早餐得意的外婆 Oh, congratulations. You are the proud grandmother of a vegan breakfast bowl.
你好恶毒 太恶毒了 That's mean. That's just mean.
我们要去做化疗 Andiamo, bella. We go chemo.
对 我们要去做化疗 Yeah, we go chemo.
河岸郡可能出现强风… …A high wind advisory for Riverside County…
讨厌的赫尔屎东 Ah. Fucking Hal-a Storm.
你不喜欢赫尔史东？ You don't like Hal Storm?
他很讨厌他 He hates him.
他自以为聪明 He think he so smart.
赫尔屎东 Hal-a Storm.
今天满100年 One hundred years young today.
哇 Wow!
摩西 Moses.
-走吧 -太疯狂了 - Come on. - Crazy.
我们开始激烈地争吵 So we get into this very real fucking fight.
然后她非但没有解决问题 Then instead of dealing with it,
反而跑回她的爸妈家 she goes and runs off to her fucking parents.
不 我不相信 No, I don't buy it.
不对 她可能跟备胎在一起 No, she's probably with a rebound guy.
直接骑上另一个男人的大雕 Rebounding right onto another dude's genitals.
你想怎么说莫莉都行 她绝对不会做这种事 Say what you will about Mollie, she'd never do anything like that.
你好天真喔 Oh, you're naive.
-女人就像狗 -哇 我是以爱狗人的立场出发 - Women are like dogs. - Wow. I say that as a dog lover.
但事实是你必须趁早建立威信 But the truth is, you have to establish dominance early,
-否则它们就会尿在地毯上 -好的 - or they'll piss all over your rug. - Okay.
顺带一提 我们一直很讨厌她 For the record, we've always hated her.
“我们”是谁？ Who's “we”?
我跟你妈会用脸书传讯 Me and your mum. We Facebook message.
我妈会用脸书？ 这是你的问题 兄弟 My mom's on Facebook? This is your problem, mate.
莫莉是那种让人晕头转向 Mollie is some flip-over-your-head,
无病呻吟又难搞的臭女人 bicycle kick, high-degree-of-difficulty shit.
谈感情根本没有这么难 It doesn't have to be this hard.
去找一个真正喜欢你的女孩吧 Go for a girl that's into you.
莫莉之前的那个女人如何？ 你们交往了一年 What about the one you whined about before Mollie? That lasted, like, a year.
乔琪雅 Georgia.
对… Yeah, yeah, yeah.
乔琪雅…她很棒 Georgia was… She was awesome.
她体贴又温柔 但我感觉… She was sweet, she was nice, but I feel
感觉缺少了某些东西 like something was missing.
对 缺少悲情 Yeah, the misery.
或许莫莉跟我截然不同 Maybe Mollie and I are just too different.
比方说我看见半杯水 Like I see the glass of water as half full.
她则认为这杯水有毒 She sees the water as poisoned.
而且杯子里还有碎片 当你喝水 Also, there's a chip in the glass, so when you drink it,
食道就会被割破 血流满地 所以应该立刻请服务生换一杯水 it's gonna cut your esophagus, you're gonna bleed everywhere.Why don't we ask for a new glass now.
她就是无法让自己快乐 She just won't let herself be happy.
你也是 And neither will you.
你别再惩罚自己 寻找比较单纯的感情吧 Stop punishing yourself. Find something simpler.
我们可以开始准备提案吗？ Can we please just get ready for this pitch?
我再也无法待在办公室里 设计止汗剂的商标 I can't work in the fucking office designing deodorant labels anymore.
我们必须将这些衬衫放上网站 We have to get our shirts on this website.
-艾德 我能不能… -不行 太热了 - Eddie, is it okay if I do… - No, not in this heat.
-你不必帮我 -我来… - No, you don't have to. - Hey, hey.
冷水、冷洗、低速旋转 性感的衣服不要烘干 Cold, cold, low spin. The sexy shit doesn't go in the dryer.
-对 -交给我 - Yeah. - I got it.
好 祝好运 两位 Okay. Good luck, guys.
-再见 小乖 -谢谢 普瑞雅 - Bye, muffin. - Thanks, Priya.
-怎样？ -我只想记住 - What? - I'm trying to remember.
-冷水、冷洗、低速旋转 -冷水、冷洗… - It's cold, cold, low spin. - Cold, cold…
等一下 冷水、冷洗 Wait, wait. Cold, cold.
-低速旋转 -对 - Low spin. - Low spin.
-你去死 -太棒了 - Go fuck yourself. - Fantastic.
你建立威信的方式就像狗班长 You're like Cesar Millan the way you establish dominance.
-这是完全不同的情况 -完全不同？ - This is an entirely different situation. - That is totally different?
解释给我听 Tell me why.
我三个月之内都不该说出来 I'm not supposed to say anything for, like, three months,
但一周后就三个月了 but that's in a week.
-那个女人怀了我的种 -艾德 - That woman now carries my seed. - Ed.
权力的分配彻底改变了 It's a total shift in the dominance paradigm.
她怀了我的王子 表示她是女王 My prince is in there. That makes her a queen.
你是不是… Are you…? Mmm…
你几乎不了解这个女孩 You barely know this girl.
我知道 I know.
但瞧瞧你自己的处境 But look at what you're dealing with.
或许这样比较好 对吗？ 长痛不如短痛 Maybe it's better this way, right? Rip off the Band-Aid.
这怎么会…保险套破了吗？ How does it even…? Did the condom break?
我不用保险套 都直接抽出 There's no condom. I do the pullout.
-你直接抽出？ -对 床垫已经毁了 - You do the pullout method? - Yeah, our futon is fucked.
射精前的液体怎么办？ 你根本没考虑过 What about the pre-cum? You don't even think about the pre-cum.
我一直以为那是迷信 I always thought that was some old wives' tale.
对 其实很有道理的迷信 Yeah. An old wife with a very large family.
有人在吗？ Hello?
你想必就是“虾皮”的买家 You must be the buyer from Shoppy.
-欢迎 -请进 - Welcome. -Come in.
我4点半要去幼稚园接儿子 I have to pick up my son from preschool at 4:30.
很好…孩子最重要了 Great. Great. Kids are important.
这是… What's…? Whoa.
这是什么？ What is this?
是你妈买的 要给我戴 Uh, your mother. She buy it. For my head.
那你为何不戴？ Why don't you wear it?
我看起来像其中一个臭皮匠 I look like Three Stooge.
山姆最爱看《三个臭皮匠》 Sam loves The Three Stooges.
山姆为何没有向你求婚？ Sam. How come he no ask you to marry?
因为他知道我们还没解决问题 Because he knows that we're still figuring it out.
不急 Oh, no rush.
第四期而已 我有的是时间 Stage four. I have plenty of time.
谢了 我需要更多压力 Uh, thank you. I needed more pressure.
-你最好看开一点 光头佬 -好 - You better adjust your thinking, Curly. - Yeah.
因为即使我跟山姆复合 Because even if I get back together with Sam,
我们应该也不会结婚 I don't think we're going to get married.
怎么回事？ What is this?
婚姻根本是狗屁 Yeah, marriage is bullshit.
婚礼更浪费钱 我为何要结婚？ And weddings are an even bigger waste. Why should I get married?
才能收下顶级瓷盘 却不敢拿来吃东西？ So we can get new plates we're afraid to eat off of?
婚礼都很美好 Weddings are-are, uh, beautiful.
我牵你走上红毯、别人都在哭 I walk you down the aisle, people cry.
很美好 Beautiful. Capito?
你知道我在婚礼上为何哭吗？ You want to know why I cry at weddings?
因为我替新娘感到悲哀 Because I feel bad for the bride.
若他今天向我求婚 我会拒绝 If he asked me today, I'd say no.
但你错了 他还是应该向你求婚 But you wrong. And he should still ask you.
这表示他必须自己做出重大的决定 That would require him making a big decision on his own,
相信我 这是不可能的事 and, trust me, that ain't happening.
你觉得如何？ So what do you think?
它们很好看 Ooh, they're great.
-对 但你喜欢哪个颜色？ -我不… - Yeah, but which do you prefer? - I don't…
-选一个 -中间的 - No, pick one. - The one in the middle.
门已经粉刷成那个颜色了 The door's already painted that color.
（礼券）
这样一来你想买什么都行 This way you can get whatever you want.
-好吧 -下次请你挑一个礼物 - Okay. - Okay, next time, just pick something.
拜托你 即使不适合我也会很喜欢 Please. Even if it's wrong, I'll love it.
你要去哪一间？ What do you think?
都可以 Whichever is fine.
-够了 每次都是我选 -而且你选得很好 - All right, I always pick. - And you do an excellent job.
意大利菜跟越南菜 两种截然不同的选择 It's Italian and Vietnamese. Two very distinct choices.
请你别再这么优柔寡断 Please stop being so wishy-washy.
你也没在做决定 好吗？ 你跟我一样犹豫 I don't see you making a decision, all right? You're just as noncommittal.
爸…不对 走小巷 拜托 这里会塞车 D-D-Dad, no, back streets, back streets. Come on. Traffic.
现在高速公路一定会塞车 The freeway's terrible this time of day.
我已经说了六次 走小巷 I told you six times, take back streets.
你知道我的想法吗？ You know what I think?
我认为山姆不想做决定 I think Samuel, he no want to take charge
因为你希望一切都顺你的意 because you, you only like things the way you like them.
好的 快一点 Okay, yeah. A little faster.
不对 慢一点… No, no, slow down, slow down.
好 往后一点 像这样… Okay. Lean back a little. Like…
-这样吗？ -往后 对 这里 - Like that? - Lean back. Yeah, right there.
不对 No.
-快点 打开吧 -好啦… - Go. Do it. - Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
一件洋装 A dress.
-你厌恶它 -才没有 - You hate it. - No.
没有吗？看着我的眼睛说你喜欢 No? Look me in the eyes and tell me you like it.
我可以拿去退货 I can always return it.
就是这里 不要动 现在绕圈 Right there. But stay there. Now go in a circle.
不对 逆时钟 对 No, no, counterclockwise, yes.
好 这样是逆时钟吗？ Okay, is that counterclockwise?
-对 我往后绕 -好 那就顺时钟 - Yeah. It's winding backwards. - Okay, clockwise, clockwise.
好吧 讨厌的…越南菜 Fine. Fucking… Vietnamese.
真的吗？薄荷太多了 Really? That's a lot of mint.
你就是这样的人 This is how you are.
不听你的话就拉倒 Your way or the highway.
对 你四处看看 你不听我的话才会塞车 Yeah, and look around. The highway is terrible.
不 没关系 No, that's all right.
车子移动了 一定有车祸 Move… They moving. Must be accident.
来 请坐 Here, take a seat.
我们会给你看 We're gonna show you.
用完美的…好 Put that in the perfect… Okay.
就定位、看着她、露出微笑 And hit your mark and look at her and smile.
开始说话 And start talking now.
我确定你看过这些 I'm sure you've seen these before.
讨厌鬼…不打算隐藏自己讨厌的本性 The douche… was not content to subtly announce his douche-hood.
他想昭告天下 He wanted to scream it.
“我穿一件衬衫” “I'm wearing a shirt!”
但某些人不希望自己的衬衫太显眼 But some people don't want their shirts to shout,
单色衬衫又太无趣 and a plain shirt is boring.
但这些例外 Not these though.
即使只有你自己知道 Even if you're the only one who knows it.
然后把衬衫给她 快啊 And then give her the shirt. Give it.
有意思 It's intriguing.
太好了 谢谢你 Great. Thank you.
那是椅子上的墨水 There was ink on the chair.
-怎么了？ -跟你无关 - What? - It wasn't even about you.
我在想《欢乐一家亲》几点播出 I was thinking about, like, what time was Frasier on.
-《欢乐一家亲》几点播？ -9点半 - Frasier was on what time? - 9:30.
中部时间9点 我们在想《欢乐一家亲》几点播出 9:00 Central. We were just wondering what time Frasier was on.
那个影集很好看 It was a good show.
明星 Celebrity.
他们跟我们一样 They just like us.
只不过他们付得起离婚费用 Only they can afford to get divorce.
是啊 Yeah.
放轻松 人都有一死 Relax. We just dying.
看杂志吧 Read something.
我不想 I don't want to.
医院里的杂志让我害怕 Hospital magazines freak me out.
葛萝莉亚 这是我的女儿 Gloria, my daughter.
她认为看《国家地理杂志》 会让她得癌症 She think she gonna catch cancer from National Geographic.
-我要去买饮料 你要什么？ -马汀尼加三颗橄榄 - I'm getting a drink. You want something? - Martini, three olive.
好吧 Okay.
（产科病房）
莫莉？ Mollie?
艾瑞克 嗨 Arik. Hi.
嗨 怎么这么巧？ Hi. How random is this?
-太巧了 -过来 - It's so random. - Come here.
我竟然在这么狼狈的时候碰到你 Of course, I run into you looking like shit.
不会 你看起来…不狼狈… No, you look, you look… You don't…
我在凌晨2点就起床了 我的妻子塔莉雅刚分娩 I've been up since 2 a.m. Talia, my wife, just delivered.
恭喜 “老爸” Congratulations, “Dad.”
就是我 That's me.
天啊 你一定会是好爸爸 对 God, you're gonna be such a great dad.
你一直很… Yeah. You were always just so…
你记得我们曾经在货车下面 发现一只小猫？ Do you remember that time we found the kitten under the truck?
你让它睡在床上 即使你会过敏 You let it sleep in the bed even though you're allergic.
大部分男人都会这样 Most guys would do that.
大部分的男人 甚至不愿意爬到货车下面 Most men wouldn't even crawl under the truck.
你一定是好爸爸 You'll make a good father.
谢谢你 Thank you.
-我能问你一个问题吗？ -好 - Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.
你怎么知道塔莉雅… How did you know, um, with Talia…
是真命天女？ that she was the one?
真是好问题 That's a good question.
其实我从来不确定 Yeah, I'm not sure you ever do.
我该走了 I should get going.
好的 Yeah.
对了 你的气色真好 You look great, by the way.
少来了 Oh, no.
不 我是认真的 No, I mean it.
人们通常记得对方以前的样子 You know, you have a memory of people from the past,
而现实经常会让人失望 and usually reality disappoints.
但这个情况例外 But that's not the case.
你不要这样看我 Don't look at me that way.
反正来不及了 他已经有了孩子 It's too late anyway. He has a baby.
还有塔莉雅 And a Talia.
老兄 你擦不干净的 Dude, that's not coming out. It's not fucking coming out.
我会擦干净 It's gonna come out.
没办法的 永远擦不掉 It will not come out. Ever.
我们都用品质很好的墨水 Well, we use really good ink.
先穿一件衬衫会不会让你比较自在？ Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in a T-shirt?
我从14岁开始就当模特儿 I started modeling at 14.
在这件衣服风干之前 You have until when-this-dries-o'clock
你们可以说服我 为何应该贩卖这些玩意 to convince me why I need to sell your shit.
很感谢…我们认为这些设计… Thank you so much for… Um…We feel like our designs…
这样太不专业了 That's so unprofessional.
如果很重要的话… If it's important…
不会 No.
-不会 -对 完全不重要 - No. - No, it's definitely not important.
重要的是你 What's important is you
并且了解我们的想法… and you understanding that the way we get our ideas…
干… Fuck. Fuck.
是谁？ Who is it?
是… It is… Ugh.
我不想告诉你 是竞争的网路零售商 I don't want to tell you. It's a competing e-tailer.
目前我们很抢手 We're hot right now,
所以很多人打来我的私人手机 so a lot of calls are coming in on my personal cellular device,
但你才是我们的重心 but our focus is on you.
-她叫什么名字？ -她叫莫莉 - What's her name? - Her name is Mollie.
-女朋友 -惨了 - Girlfriend. - Oh, here we go.
-我们在今早分手 -是谁提出分手？ - We broke up this morning. - Who broke up with whom?
-说来复杂 -她甩了他 - Ah, it's complicated. - She dumped him.
-狠狠地甩掉 -喂 - Big-time. - Hey.
接电话吧 我不介意 Answer it. I don't mind.
我不要接电话 我们要向你提案… I'm not gonna answer the phone call. We're here to do a pitch and…
搞什么？天啊 真抱歉 Fucking what? Oh, my God! I'm sorry.
我现在就接听 从此一了百了 I'll pick up. Then we don't have to talk about it ever again.
喂 莫莉 我现在不方便讲话 Hey. Mollie? I can't talk now.
我需要你立刻回家 I need you to come home.
现在不行 This is not the time.
可恶 当然你必须工作 对不起 别理我 Shit. Of course, it's your work thing. I'm sorry. Never mind.
喂？ Hello?
我们认为比较小的设计 We feel like our smaller design
能让我们在过度拥挤的市场脱颖而出 helps us stand out in an overcrowded marketplace.
发生什么事？ What happened?
电话上吗？没什么 她要鸡蛋 待会我就去买 Over there?Nothing. She wanted eggs. I'm gonna get her some eggs.
那件女衬衫价值1500美元 告诉我实话 That blouse costs $1,500. Now tell me the truth.
是莫莉打来的 她要我立刻回家 It was Mollie. She wants me to come home right now.
但现在我绝对不会回家 But I'm not gonna come home right now.
你爱这个女人吗？ Do you love this woman?
嘿 我爱你 Hey. I love you.
嘿 我也爱你 Hey, I love you too.
碰碰 Bonk.
而且碰得很用力 Total bonk.
一言难尽 That's a long answer.
不应该是如此 It shouldn't be.
回家吧 你应该先解决这件事 Go home. That should be your priority.
我懂你的意思 很好 但我不要回家 I see what you're doing, and it's awesome, but I'm not going home.
我不想跟不懂轻重缓急的人做生意 I wouldn't want to be in business with someone who didn't understand that notion.
-你懂我的意思吗 山姆？ -对 女士 - Do you understand that notion, Sam? - Yes, ma'am.
我会迅速回来 快到让你吓一跳 I'll be so quick you won't know that I'm gone.
4点半我就要去幼稚园接小孩 Preschool pickup is at 4:30.
4点半 没问题 4:30. That's so easy.
-真抱歉 -你下地狱吧 - I am so sorry. - Die in a fire.
好的 Yes.
我们认为成本… We-We-We feel our costs are…
白色衣物洗好了 Oh, the whites are done.
莫莉 Mollie!
天啊…这是什么味道？ Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What the fuck is that?
你还好吗？ Hey, hey, hey. Hey, are you okay? Are you all right?
对 我回来拿剩下的东西 Yeah, I came back to get the rest of my stuff,
然后我从没听过唐尼 如此疯狂地吠叫… and then Donny was barking crazier than ever, and…
原来的确有一只动物 -是臭鼬 -对 …turns out there is a creature.- It's a skunk. - Yeah.
-不会有事的 好吗？ -好 - It's gonna be okay, all right? - Yeah.
-好吗？ -好 - Yeah? - Yeah.
我没有哭 只是… Um, I'm not crying. I'm just… It's the…
臭味薰得我的眼睛好不舒服 It's the smell that's making my eyes water.
我知道 我的舌头也不舒服 I know. I can feel it on my tongue.
我上网查过 我们应该用蕃茄汁替它洗澡 I googled it, and it says that we're supposed to bathe him in tomato juice.
但唯一准备好被臭鼬喷到的人 But turns out the only person who's prepared for a skunking
是我的祖母 is my grandma.
有一样东西能派上用场 I think we have something.
（血腥玛莉果汁）
对 你最乖了 Aw. Yeah, that's a good boy.
-乖 -我按住它了 - Hey. - I got him.
-不… -我按住它了 - No, no. - I got him.
不要动啦 野兽 Hold still, beast.
天啊 不行 它在舔 God. Oh, no, he's licking it.
不行 唐尼 No, Donny, no.
不行 唐尼 你知道这样多恶心吗？ No, Donny, no. Do you have a notion of how disgusting what you're doing is?
不晓得 但这样很好 对吗？ I don't know. I guess that's good, right?
对 Yeah.
要不要我去拿伏特加？然后倒进去？ Should I get the vodka? Just throw it in the tub?
待会就能洗掉了… It'll come out. It'll come out.
流下来了 Oh, it drips down.
不要… No, no.
你看起来像魔女嘉莉 You look like Carrie.
你在干什么？这不是嘉莉 只是一个很害怕的人 What is that? That's not Carrie. That's just a scared person.
唐尼 Donny! Oh.
不会吧 Oh, no.
-它上床了 -不 - He's on the bed. - Oh, no!
它全身躺在床上 还像这样扭 我们的房间里沾满了蕃茄汁 He's 100 percent on the bed going like this.Tomato shit all over our fucking room.
-时间到了 -什么？ - Time's up. - What?
不行 还这么湿 Oh, no, that's soaking.
你不能穿 否则会感冒 而且全身冻僵 You can't wear that. You'll catch a cold or something, freeze your tits off.
抱歉 我以为你们在… I'm sorry, I thought you were…
艾德？ Ed?
没什么 他们毁了我的上衣 It's nothing. They ruined my top.
天啊 那是订制服吗？ Oh, my God. Is that Couture?
原本是 It was.
你们继续忙吧 Oh, I'll let you get back to it.
她似乎是好女人 She seemed lovely.
我们要有孩子了 We're having a baby.
-真好 恭喜 -是啊 - Yeah. Mazel tov. - Yeah.
抽出避孕？ Pullout?
若我记得的话 When I remember.
是啊 Yeah.
来击掌 今天的表现真好 Very well done today.
天啊 你觉得能排第几名？ Oh, my God. How do you think that ranks?
太爽了 It was very good.
我认为是前三名 老实说前三名差不多 I would probably say top three. Honestly, I gotta put it in the top three.
真的吗？才前三名？ Really? That's all?
-才前三名？ -哪一次更爽？ - That's all? - What beats it?
蒙特西托 Montecito.
是啊 Yeah.
天啊 你一定会喜欢这间饭店 Oh, my God. You're gonna love this hotel.
他们提供专属的度假小屋 They give you your own entire casita.
听起来像是上流生意人住的地方 Sounds like a place that a fancy businessman would stay
晚上还找来非常贵的伴游女郎 and, like, order a very expensive escort for the evening.
-对 就是这种地方 -是啊 - Yes, this is the place. Yes. - Yeah.
我们就这么办 Let's do it.
你要召妓吗？ You want to get a hooker?
不是啦 我要假扮妓女 No, no, I want to be the hooker.
你则是潇洒却邪恶的避险基金经理 And you're the elegantly depraved hedge fund guy.
是吗？ Yeah?
晚安 妓女 很高兴… 太蠢了 我很邪恶 Good evening, prostitute. It's good… That's stupid. Think depraved.
我是坏男人 就像《新少棒闯天下》里的华特马殊 I'm bad news. I'm Walter Matthau Bad News Bears.
你常来吗？ Come here often?
不对 她是来我的房间 而且从没来过 No, she's coming to your room. She's never been there before.
我跟比你胖两倍的女人上床过 I've fucked women twice your size.
这样没道理 No, that doesn't add up.
你的屁眼准备营业了吗？ Is that butthole open for business?
那个屁眼…还是翘臀？说美臀好了 Is that butthole…? Is that tokus…? No, tushy.
要我插入你的美臀吗？ Does that tushy need a banging?
所以我也是坏男孩 I guess I'm a bad boy too.
对 我逃漏税 Yeah, I cheat on my taxes.
赌500美元我能跟你上床 Bet you 500 bucks I can fuck you.
这本来就是妓女的工作啊 太怪的赌注了 That's basically what a prostitute is. Like a weird bet.
（儿童维他命）
谢谢 Thanks.
你好 Hi.
天啊 Oh, gosh.
我不是妓女 只是跟我的男友玩角色扮演 I'm not actually a hooker. I'm just doing this for fun with my boyfriend.
这样更糟糕吗？ Is that worse?
要住宿吗？ Checking in?
你好 我要17号度假屋的钥匙 Hi. I need the key for Casita 17.
好的 那位…先生说过你会来 Yes. The… gentleman mentioned you'd be arriving.
尚路易会带你去 Jean Louis will direct you.
尚路… Jean Lou…
好的 棒透了 Yes. Perfect.
钱在玄关柜上 The money's on the dresser.
请享受 Enjoy.
算一下 Count it.
一张钞票、两张钞票 One monies, two money,
三张钞票…全都是钱 three money, all the money.
所以你准备了什么？ What do you have for me?
太美了 你去哪里买… That's amazing. Where did you get…?
你要穿那样跟我做爱吗？ Are we gonna have sex like that?
好耶… Ah. Okay, yeah. Okay, okay.
是啊 那绝对是前两名 Oh!Yeah, it's definitely top two.
我从来没把钱拿回来 凤凰女 Mmm. You know, I never got my money back, Pretty Woman.
喂 那是我应得的 Hey. I earned that shit.
完全没错 You sure fucking did.
-山姆 -什么事？ - Hey, Sam? - Yeah?
关于今早的事我很抱歉 I'm sorry about this morning.
我的想法就是这样 It's just the way that my mind works.
我也想改 但没办法 I wish it didn't, but it does.
我知道 I know.
-我只想快乐 -我要你快乐 - I just want to be happy. - I want you to be happy.
我们应该怎么办？ What are we gonna do?
不知道 I don't know.
但你不能永远占着茅坑不拉屎 At a certain point, you gotta shit or get off the pot.
对 否则会长痔疮 这样最惨 Yeah. Otherwise you get hemorrhoids, and that's worse than anything.
虾皮那边的情况如何？ How'd it go with Shoppy?
我该走了 I gotta go.
（艾瑞克：这样很扯 但我无法停止想你）
（我需要再见到你）
（现在不是时候）
（回忆录香水）
天啊… Oh, my…
你才刚用那玩意制造出孩子 You just made a baby with that thing.
-嗨 -嗨 - Hey. - Hey.
-谁传简讯给你？ -没什么 - Who's texting you? - It was nothing.
真的吗？因为好像有很多封简讯 Really? 'Cause it seemed like a lot of texts.
对 是我妈在抱怨我爸 Yeah, it's just my mom complaining about my dad.
相信我 她一定会传很多封 Believe me, that doesn't fit into one text.
这一封就够了 Yet this does.
不…山姆 No. Hey, Sam.
-别说了 -没发生任何事 - Don't. - Nothing is going on.
你喜欢我是因为我很聪明 所以别把我当白痴 You liked me because I'm smart, so don't treat me like a fucking idiot.
今天我在医院碰到他 但什么事都没发生 I ran into him at the hospital today, but nothing happened.
是还没发生 因为你没有拒绝他 对吗？ Yet. Yet. Because you didn't say no, did you?
你说：“现在不是时候” You said, “Now is not the time,”
意思是以后就是时候了 meaning that sometime in the future, that would be the time.
你骑驴找马 才能跟他旧情复燃 You're leaving the door open so you could rebound right onto him.
-什么？ -因为你永远都在骑驴找马 - What? - Because with you, the door's always open.
-你太扯了 -一点都不扯 - You are being ridiculous. - I'm not being ridiculous.
你为何会偷看我的iPad？ Why were you looking at my iPad in the first place?
我没有 我只是站在那里 一根阴茎就出现了 I wasn't. I was standing there, and a dick fucking popped up.
我没有骑驴找马 I wasn't leaving the door open.
即使我有 你能怪我吗？ 目前我们的感情又不太好 If I had, would you blame me? We're not in the best place.
哇 好吧 再见 莫莉 Wow. All right. Bye, Moll.
你敢说从没想过前女友吗？ You've honestly never thought about another ex before?
-她叫什么？乔姬？ -乔琪雅 - What was her name? Georgie? - Georgia.
好 所以你从没想过乔琪雅吗？ Okay. You've never thought about fucking Georgia?
-没有 -拜托 - No. - Oh, come on!
-我没有 -好 尽管说谎吧 - I haven't. - Fine, lie to yourself.
我从来没有想过跟她上床 I haven't thought about fucking her!
山姆 有邻居 Sam, the neighbors.
干 叫邻居去死 你也去死吧 Fuck, fuck the neighbors! And fuck you.
你要知道我的想法吗？ You want to know what I think about?
我在想若我跟乔琪雅在一起 生活会有多正常 I think about how normal my life would have been with Georgia.
我在想世界上少了莫莉曼吉尼会如何 I think about a world free of fucking Mollie Mangini
以及她的疯狂跟鬼话 and her craziness and her bullshit.
我想到乔琪雅 多希望我有勇气忍受平淡 因为老实说 I think back to Georgia and I wish I had the balls to stay bored, because,
无论怎样都比这场闹剧好得多 honestly, it would be a lot better than whatever the fuck this is!
这是一个玩笑吗？ Are you fucking kidding me?
薇拉呢？ Where's Willa?
薇拉… Hey, Willa. Willa?
我非常抱歉 I am so sorry.
我很欣赏你们的热情 真的 I appreciate your passion, truly.
请在我儿子走出来之前离开 Now remove yourselves before my son walks through those doors.
你能不能让我… If you'd just let me…
不 我不能 No, I can't just.
你们明天再打给我吧 Why don't you call me tomorrow.
好 我们何不… Okay. Why don't we…
好的… Okay. Okay.
好的… Okay, okay.
你知道吗？明天我就打给你 You know what? I'll give you a call tomorrow.
你的助理会写下来 然后你永远不会回电 Your assistant will write it down. You'll never call back.
我没有从14岁开始就当模特儿 但我也不是昨天才出生 I may not have been a model when I was 14, but I wasn't born yesterday.
我知道被拒绝的感觉 I know what it feels like to get blown off.
所以你知道吗 薇拉？你去死吧 So you know what, Willa? You know what? Fuck you!
你去死 Oh, fuck, fuck you!
你从头到脚都去死吧 Fuck it all!
我要你从里到外都死得彻底 Fuck you up your goddamn skirt through your eyeballs!
你先闭嘴 Shut up for a second.
我才不要让我们的艺术 被嚣张又冷酷的公主上网零售 I don't want our art e-tailed by some hipster icy princess anyway.
所以你带着那傲慢的态度滚开吧 So just in your fucking eyes and out your goddamn asshole!
你跟那个女孩闹翻了？ Didn't go well with the girl then?
对 不太顺利 No, it did not.
-你说完了吗？ -对 我说完了 - You done now? - Yeah, I'm done.
很好 Good.
因为打从我站在这里开始 Because since I've been standing here,
每一个臭女人都说喜欢我的上衣 every single one of these bitches told me they love my shirt.
你们可以考虑设计小圆点造型 You might want to consider doing a polka-dot pattern
每一个点都是不同的图案 where every dot is a different little image.
这只是我的想法 Just a thought.
-所以你要… -贩售你们的系列？对 - So you're gonna… - Carry your line? Yes.
原本我打算明天告诉你 I was going to tell you tomorrow
透过电话 在适当的工作时间 on the phone during appropriate working hours.
那么你的出价…即使刚才我说… And, uh… And the offer, does it…? Even after I said…?
你的利润百分比会比较低 You're gonna be getting a lower percentage.
抱歉 伙伴 Oh, sorry, bud.
你也是 抽出男 You too, Pullout.
什么？ Oh, what?
今天好怪喔 对吗？我感觉… What a weird day, right? It feels like…
笑一下没关系啦 你可以笑 It's okay to laugh. You can laugh.
向你的孩子问好 还有…谢谢你 Uh, tell your kid I say “what up?” And, um, thank you.
艾德 Hey, Ed?
-记得我跟你提过乔琪雅吗？ -跟桃子有关吗？ - Remember what I told you about Georgia? - Does it involve peaches?
不 我的前女友乔琪雅 No, the girl. Georgia.
-没有 -这就对了 - No. - Exactly.
因为她从没给我这种感觉 'Cause she never made me feel like this.
什么？你要去哪里？ What…? Hey, hey, where you going?
山姆 Sam!
-你在叫我吗？ -什么？ - Talking to me? - Huh?
不 我在叫山姆 你也是山姆吗？ No, I said Sam. Is your name Sam?
对 Yes.
那么抱歉了 Then sorry.
“我所测不透的奇妙有三样 “There are three things that are too amazing for me,
连我所不知道的共有四样 four that I do not understand:
就是鹰在空中飞的道 the way of an eagle in the sky,
蛇在磐石上爬的道…” the way of a snake on a rock”…
喝点水 亲爱的 Here you go, honey.
-“船在海中…” -莫莉 - “…The way of a ship”… - Mollie?
“行的道… “…On the high seas…
男与女交合的道” and the way of a man with a young woman.”
《箴言》第18章 Proverbs, chapter 18.
他说得对 我是疯子 He's right. I'm crazy.
不 你不是 No, you're not.
谢谢 但你也是疯子 Thank you, but you're also crazy,
所以你并没有安慰到我 so not a confidence booster.
现在我最需要体贴挚友的意见 What I need now is advice from my sensible best friend.
-山姆 -对 山姆 - Sam. - Yeah, Sam.
你爱他 You love him.
-所以呢？ -“所以呢？” - So? - “So?”
你打算躺在这里让他白白溜走？ You're just gonna lay here and let him go?
或许我能爱上某人却让他走 或许这样比较好？ Maybe it's possible to love somebody and let them go. Maybe it's better?
否则我们会不断重蹈覆辙 Otherwise we're just gonna go through this over and over and over again
最后只会彻底怨恨对方 and eventually we'll just end up hating each other completely.
我嫁给你爸爸唯一的原因 就是让他能留在国内 The only reason that I married your father was so that he could stay in this country.
当时我们很年轻 而且喜欢对方 We were kids, and we liked each other.
但我们从未真正爱过对方 But we never really loved each other.
妈 你根本不应该嫁给爸爸 Mom, you should have never married Dad.
跟你说 我才不要犯同样的错误 And guess what. I'm not gonna make the same mistake you did.
你正在犯同样的错误 笨蛋 You are making exactly the same mistake, stupid!
而且… And…
嫁给你爸爸并不是错误 it wasn't a mistake marrying your father.
为何不是？ Why not?
因为你 You.
哪种母亲会骂小孩是“笨蛋”？ What kind of mother calls her child “stupid”?
我犯的错误 My mistake
是没有离开你的爸爸 was not leaving your father.
但你跟山姆很相爱 But you and Sam love each other.
别错过你真正爱的人 只因为你会害怕 Don't miss out on somebody you really love just because you're scared.
相信我 Because believe me,
另一种选择… the alternative is…
更糟糕 It's way worse.
你啊 You. Mmm.
你的狗臭死了 你一点都不臭 And your dog smells like shit.
你不…天啊 你臭死了 You don't… Oh, gosh, you stink.
以上是本地的天气报导 我是赫尔史东 From your weather zone downtown, I'm Hal Storm.
你是一个愚蠢的烂人 Uh, you a stupid fucking piece of shit.
我要开你的货车 Hey, I'm taking your truck.
听好了…帮我加满汽油 特级98无铅 好吗？ Hey, fill 'em up with gas after. Supreme octane, huh?
为什么？你快死了 对吗？ Why? You're dying, right?
有道理 普通的就好 Good point. Regular.
我为何没有在你生病前对你好一点？ Why wasn't I nicer to you before you got sick?
当时我是混蛋 Uh, I was asshole.
是啊 你罹癌之后讨喜多了 Yeah. You're much better with cancer.
谢谢你 Thank you.
还是特级的好了 Make it, uh, supreme.
什么事 负心女？ What up, Destroyer?
-他跟你在一起吗？ -没有 - Is he with you? - No.
他都没有接电话 He's not answering his phone.
所以他终于想通了 Guess our boy's finally gotten some sense.
艾德 很抱歉这么说 但我爱山姆 而且爱得很深 Ed, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but I love our Sam. Like a lot.
可恶 Oh, shit.
-艾德… -不 - Ed… - No.
不是的 No.
这样很好 我很高兴 只是… It's good. I'm glad. It's…
你赶快怀孕 好吗？ 我无法独自升格为爸爸 Hurry up and get pregnant, okay? I can't do this shit alone.
-你知道他在哪里吗？ -他说… - Do you know where he is? - He said…
抱歉 我觉得帮你是天大的错误 Sorry, it feels incredibly wrong to be helping you,
但我相信你真的很爱他 but I believe you truly love him,
所以我就直说了 so I'm just gonna power through this.
我不知道他去哪里 但他有提到乔琪雅 I don't know where he went, but he said something about Georgia.
喂？ Hello?
吃屎吧你 Oh, fuck it in the ass!
预产期是何时？ Oh, when's it due?
不说吗？ No?
有人吗？ Hello?
他在这里吗？ Is he here?
饼干 Cookies!
没有饼干 小子 Oh, no cookies, buddy.
那些女童军来过之后 Ever since the Girl Scouts came,
他就以为所有敲门的人都有饼干 he thinks everyone who comes to the door has cookies.
乔琪雅 谁在外面？ George, who's there?
我…很抱歉打扰你 Um… I… I'm so sorry to bother you.
我的货车抛锚了 My-My truck broke down.
还有我的手机电池 And my cell phone battery
也掉在某个地方… just fell out somewhere and…
进来吧 Come on in.
真的吗？ Really?
好吧 Okay.
对 好的 Uh-huh. Okay.
太棒了 谢谢你 Great. Thank you.
好 那我去外面等拖吊车吧 Okay. Well, I guess I'll wait outside for the tow truck.
我知道你是谁 I know who you are.
-什么？ -我们分手后他就跟你交往 - Excuse me? - You're the next girl after me.
我在脸书上追踪了你一年 I Facebook stalked you for like a year.
对了 你怎么会找到我？ How'd you find me, by the way?
寻人网站 Peoplesearch.com.
只要20美元 我就… - Oh. - It was $20. I just…
问妈妈有没有洗我的黑色牛仔裤 Let's ask Mommy if she washed my black jeans.
-因为妈妈说… -亲爱的 - Because Mommy said she… - Hi, honey.
-她是莫莉 -你好 - This is Mollie. - Hi.
你记得我的前男友山姆吗？ Do you remember Sam, my ex?
对 应该吧 Uh, yeah, I think.
莫莉刚跟他分手 还以为他会跑来找我 Mollie just broke up with him and was sure he'd come running to me.
这个超级性感的女人 很确定她的男朋友… This super-hot piece of ass was sure that her boyfriend
会想要我 wanted this.
是吗 莫莉？ Isn't that right, Mollie?
对 Yes. Oh.
我不认为我很性感 但是… Well, I don't know about the hot piece of ass part, but…
-他对你的老婆念念不忘 -是啊 - He has a thing for your wife. - That's right.
他的个性依旧迷人而古怪吗？ Does he still have that charming, quirky deal going on?
对 Oh, yes.
呆呆的 但很性感 He's like nebbish but hot.
是啊 Yeah.
总之 我们来解决那个 超级重要的洗衣难题吧 Anyway, why don't we get back to that super-important laundry dilemma.
你知道吗？没关系 Ach. You know what? It's all good.
爸爸自己去洗就好了 Daddy's gonna wash them himself.
-好的 -好的 - Okay. - Okay.
爱你喔 小子 Love you, little man.
-再见 -再见 -再见 -再见 - Bye. - Yeah, bye. -Bye. -Bye-bye!
-再见 -很高兴认识你 - Bye. - Nice to meet you.
-很尴尬吧？ -对 - Awkward, huh? - Yes.
-没关系 -我告辞了 - It's okay. - I'll go.
-再见 -再见 - Bye. - Bye.
我们应该去那里 Ooh. Hey, we should go there.
-那个地方？ -对 - That place? - Yeah.
-你要拼装业余无线电吗？ -不 我是认真的 - You want to build a ham radio? - No, I'm serious.
他们卖的废物跟电器城差不多 只是更多 They have the stuff nobody wants at Radio Shack, just more of it.
喂 Hey.
相信我 Trust me.
-太惊人了 -对 - That was amazing. - Yeah.
-真高兴我决定进来参观 -是啊 - I'm so happy I chose to stop here. - Uh-huh.
-我再去买一杯思乐冰暴 -好 拜托了 - I'm gonna go get us another Flizzard. - Yes, please.
你为何等这么久？再去买一杯好吗？ Why are you waiting so long? Can you please get another one?
而且要用很独特的方式走过去 And walk there in a very unique way.
这样还不够独特 More unique than that.
（思乐冰暴）
味道变了 It doesn't taste the same.
什么？ What?
少了她的味道就变了 It doesn't taste the same without her.
你要多付1美元加巧克力豆吗？ Would you like to add more Reese's for a dollar?
好 Okay.
山姆？ Sam?
瞧 琳西？我就说是他 See, Lindsay? I told you it was him.
-不… -你说对了 - No, no. - You were right.
-我要给你亲亲 -快点 -You get nuzzles. -Hurry it up.
-亲一下、两下、三下… -请你再快一点 - You get one, two, three… - You got to do it faster.
-莫莉在里面吗？ -我只要买几样东西 - Is Mollie inside? - I'm just picking up some things.
-我们也是 -很高兴见面 谢谢 - Us too. - It's good to see you. Thanks.
-我超爱那些 -我们正要去里欧卡梅拉 - I love those. - We're on our way to Rio Carmella.
-你听过吗？ -没有 - Do you know it? - No.
叫做“豪华露营” 五星级的露营 Called “glamping.” It's like luxury-style camping.
他们提供所有的东西 They provide everything.
睡袋里还有羽绒被 Down comforters for sleeping bags.
采用欧式设计的欧式帐篷 非常美 European-style tents that are based on European designs, of course. Amazing.
-浪漫得不得了 -我不敢相信真的成行了 - It's incredibly romantic. - I can't believe we're actually going.
-我们应该拍照 -对 祝好运 - We should take a photo. - You should. Good luck with that.
-我会去社群媒体欣赏 -这是很重要的时刻 - I'll check it out on Instagram. - It is a huge moment.
我不要拍 才不要 I'm not taking it. I'm not doing it.
-你能不能…好吧 -我会像这样 - Can you fuck… Here we go. - I want to be like this.
-好 准备好了吗？ -我们可以摆出经典姿势 - Here we go. Ready? - I think we'll do one of our classics.
准备… Ready and… Whoo!
-不… -那真是… - Oh, no, the… - That was…
-好吧 算了 -没关系 - Okay. Well, all right. - That's okay.
-抱歉 先生？你好 -你好 - Sorry. Sir? Hi. - Hi.
-迅速帮我们拍一张 -对 快点 - Just snap us really quick. - Yeah, quick.
-好的… -可以了 - Okay, and… - Yeah, okay.
所以就…三秒后就摆姿势 So just… And emerge in three.
二、一 Two, one.
有人吗？ Hello?
山姆？ Sam?
管他的 Fuck it.
你喜欢果酱吗？我忘了 你是超爱或喜欢？ Do you like jam? I forget. Do you love jam or do you like jam?
如果你尝过果酱… And I think if you just try the jam.
那一个男人很浪漫 That guy was romantic.
（威斯塔罗莎饭店）
天啊… Oh, my…
这是你的钥匙 先生 Your key, sir.
你的“女性朋友”很快就会来吗？ And will your “lady friend” be arriving shortly?
不会 只有我 No, just me.
那只动物就是你 The creature… is you.
你好吗？ How you doing?
还可以 你呢？ Okay. You?
老实说… Well, to be honest…
今晚我过得蛮糟的 um, uh, tonight was kind of… kind of shitty.
但情况好转了… But things are looking up, so…
-为什么？ -因为我认识了一个美女 - Oh? Why? - Well, I just met a beautiful woman.
-那个红发女吗？ -不 我是在说你 - That redhead? - No, I'm talking about you.
好的 你好 Okay. Hi.
糟糕 拿去 Oh, shoot. Here.
给你 好了 Here you go. Okay.
快点啊 老兄 干 Come on, dude. Fuck.
你看见那边的两个人吗？ You see those two people over there?
看见了吗？你觉得他们是什么身分？ You see them? Who do you think they are?
-什么意思？ -你看 - What do you mean? - Like watch this.
我认为他是职业高球选手 好吗？ I think he's a professional golfer, right?
她则是他的情妇 他知道他必须喊停 And she's his mistress. And he knows he's got to stop.
他知道必须跟她分手 He knows he's got to stop doing stuff with her,
但每次他们做爱之后 他都能晋级前十名 but he keeps landing in the top ten ever since they've been having sex,
所以他认为不能甩掉她 否则就会开始输球 so he feels like he can't get rid of her or he's gonna start losing.
好 所以他们是谁？告诉我 Okay, so who are they? Tell me who they are.
他们是桑德森夫妇 Those are the Sandersons.
我在吃早餐时认识他们 他是会计师 I met them at breakfast. He's an accountant.
这是他们真实的身分吗？ Is that for real what they are?
他们来自佛莱斯诺 They're from Fresno.
感谢上帝 Oh, thank God.
-我有钥匙 -女士… - I have a key. - Ma'am…
-我记得路 -女士 - I remember the way. - Ma'am!
一见钟情是很普遍的概念 There is a popular notion of love at first sight.
“我遇见她的时候就认定她了” “I met her and I knew.”
琼恩跟李在1964年的10月初次相遇 Joan and Lee first met in October of 1964.
他跟她的兄弟亚诺一起打仗 He served with her brother Arnold in the war.
当时两人之间就擦出火花 Even then there was something special between them.
怎么了？ What's wrong?
千万别在这里按摩 Do not get a massage here.
水疗馆把恩雅的音乐放得很大声 The spa plays Enya so loudly,
按摩师的双手则又大又粗糙 and my massage therapist had these giant sandpaper hands.
我发誓她害我的脖子永久损伤了 I swear to God, I think she fucked up my neck permanently.
真的吗？我可以… Oh, really? I can…
你介意…我可以… Do you…? I can…
这里很不舒服吗？ Is it, like, bad here?
我觉得好舒服喔 That actually feels really good.
是这个点吗？会不会太用力？ Is that the spot? Is that too hard?
若我躺下来你会比较容易帮我按 You could probably get a better angle if I was lying down.
好的 Yeah. Um… Yeah.
几年之后他们分道扬镳 After a few years, they grew apart.
各奔东西 Moved apart.
经历了结婚 Marriages happened.
经历了离婚 Divorces happened.
也经历了死亡 Deaths happened.
他们在亚诺的葬礼上重逢 It was at Arnie's funeral that they reconnected.
经过52年 他们已认定对方 After only 52 years, they knew.
琼恩 你是否愿意接纳此人 成为你合法的丈夫？ And, Joan, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
我愿意 I do.
李… And, Lee…
女士 你可以走另一边 Ma'am. There's another way around.
谢谢 Thanks.
我宣布他们结为夫妻… I pronounce that they are husband and wife…
你还好吗？ Are you all right?
对 我只是… Yeah, I just, um…
我们的周年纪念日在同一天 We have the same anniversary.
好 你先替我按摩 我再帮你按 Hey, you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours.
这些是药水吗？ Are these like potions?
没有乳液 There's no lotion.
我找不到乳液 它长什么样子？ I can't find the lotion. What does it look like?
很像乳液 Lotion-y.
讨厌的乳液 Fucking lotion-y.
（回忆录香水）
对不起 Sorry.
什么？ What?
司康好吃吗？ How was the scone?
有一点干硬 It was a little stale.
你也知道放太久会变这样 You know how it gets at the end of the day.
但等待很值得 But it was worth the wait.
-是吗？ -对 - Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
-哇 你浑身酒气 -好吧 - Wow, you smell like a bar. - Okay.
其实你闻起来像是 吧台后方地上的橡胶地垫 为何？ Actually, you smell like the rubber mat on the ground behind the bar. Why?
你看起来像是年轻的… Well, you look like a young…
你的头发看起来像摩登原始人… Your hair looks like Bamm-Bamm from…
你美呆了 You look amazing.
碰碰 Bonk.
你确定吗？ You sure about this?
不确定 你呢？ Nope. You?
不 我完全不确定 No, not even close.
但三年是很长的时间 But three years is a long time.
若我们能走到现在 谁知道呢？ If we can make it this long, who knows?
没人知道 Nobody.
没人知道 否则就太简单了 对吗？ Nobody knows, or else it'd just be too easy, right?
你别这么悲观 Stop being such a pessimist.
所以昨晚是前三名吗？ So last night.Top three?
不知道耶 Tsk. I don't know.
-我认为昨晚胜出了 -哇 你还真敢讲 - I think we have a new leader. - Whoa! Bold statement.
-第一名？ -你不同意？ - That's number one? - You don't agree?
我同意 I do.
我同意 但你知道吗？我们能更好 I do, but you know what? We can do better.
若我们每天做一到两次 就会有惊人的成果 If we hit it down once or twice a day, we can knock it out of the park.
你有足够的体力配合我吗？ Do you think you have the stamina to keep up with me?
我有足够的体力配合你吗？ Do I think I have the stamina to keep up with you?
等等… Whoa, whoa.
邮筒 Mailbox.
按吧 Go.
大门打开 Open gate.